Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Still I Will Thank You - A Thanksgiving Prayer

Dear God:

Well, you've really let us go through the ringer this past year.  It's been one nightmare after another of painful experiences, and, well, with Thanksgiving here, I have to be honest, I'm struggling to think what to be thankful for.

A year ago, my life was torn apart when my wife got sick, had to be hospitalized twice against her will, and our finances were destroyed by medical bills.  Our marriage almost bought it, too, God, but here we are, somehow hanging on.  Our marriage is better than it was before she got treatment, so still I will thank you, Lord.

Next I lost my dear Lucy after 18.5 years.  My companion and best friend for half my life, I miss her a lot, and I wish I hadn't been so distracted by Bianca's illness so I would have gotten her treatment sooner and she might have been less miserable and lived a little longer.  I wasn't ready to let her go, Lord, but still I will thank you for 18.5 wonderful years she blessed me.

In May, I lost my job for no reason I can fathom.  They couldn't give me one either really and I can't prove my suspicions, so here I am still jobless after 7 months and our finances are a wreck again and I'm scared to death, but still I will thank you, Lord, for 7 steady years of employment in there with good companies.

In October, my other job went away when I was replaced, and when the boss said I resigned (his definition of not fighting the decision to bring in someone else), I lost unemployment.  We really need that unemployment, Lord, and I worked hard to get that benefit.  Still I will thank you, Lord, for the months we had it.

Even though some people we used to count as friends have disappeared and not been there to love us through this, especially lately, although we feel alone and abandoned, still you've been there.  Even when we don't feel you.  So still I will thank you, Lord.

Even though I've worked so hard to overcome my disability and worked to hard on my writing and creative stuff and until now, I haven't really had success, even though, still I will thank you, Lord.

Even though I don't know where our next meals come from when the fridge is empty, even though I don't know when all this pain will end, even though I don't know how to rid myself of the anger and bitterness I feel, even though I can't find a job that pays what I've been making, still I will thank you, Lord.

Even though I don't feel thankful.  Even though I'm mad at you for allowing this.  Even though I can't even begin to fathom why you've allowed it, still I will thank you, Lord.

Because your Son died on a cross for me, Lord, when I was so unworthy, still I will thank you, Lord.

But Lord, please let next year be better.  I prefer to thank you when I actually feel thankful.  But still I will thank you, Lord, for life, breath, my wife, my pets, my family, and so much more.

Despite everything, Still I Will Thank You, Lord.


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